What do I do about my 4-year old who refuses to write and color?

Question

I recently placed my son into preschool because my mother, who has always kept him for me, passed away. He is a sweet kid, very hands-on, loves to play. When it comes to practicing writing his letters or coloring a picture, he refuses or does very little. This was explained to his new teacher and we knew it would take him time to adjust. He was there less than 2 weeks. She claims she can't make him do what she asks of him in regard to coloring or writing and asked that I take him out of her care. She told me herself she would try to "make" him take a crayon or she would put him in time out when he wouldn't color or write. To me, this was doing more damage than good. Is there a positive way I can get him interested, again? I am contemplating holding him back a year to start kindergarten because I feel he needs more time to develop his fine motor skills. I have him in another pre-k program and they don't make him color, but he seems to be the only kid playing during table time.

Answer 1

MAYBE HE HAS SOMETHING MEDICALLY WRONG WITH HIS HANDS? oops cap lok that is causing him pain or discomfort to hold a crayon or pencil???

Answer 2

I teach 3-1/2-5 year olds in pre-school. We do different kinds of writing and coloring. Some of my kids would sit and color pictures all day and some of them do not like to do it at all. With pre-schoolers you have to make it fun. Try painting with Q-tips, drawing in shaving cream or writing in a small tray full of sand. If you are worried about his fine motor skills, give him a pair of scissors and your junk mail. Let him cut it into tiny pieces. Let him build with the small legos. Video games (in moderation) are good for fine motor development. Do any of those sound like they might work?

Answer 3

First of all, my condolences on the loss of your mother. I'm sure this has had an effect on your family. Keep that in mind for your son, too.



As far as forcing a child to write, you are correct in being concerned. It will only create resistance and aversion.



It may be that your son has not developed enough fine motor control to feel comfortable using writing instruments. Give him lots of interesting activities that will help him develop the muscles in his fingers. Let him help you sort buttons, fold laundry, snap beans, etc. Give him modeling clay to play with.



Pealing and placing stickers is another good activity to develop those muscles.



Make all sorts of writing materials available and let him see you enjoying them. Crayons, markers, chalk, colored pencils. Give him finger paints, too. But don't push. Let him explore at his interest and initiative.



Best wishes for you and your son.

Answer 4

The more I read people's experiences on the board, the more concerned I am with who is teaching our children. That first teacher did, indeed, have a harmful effect on your son's ability to write. It is good that he is no longer in the program.



If we really think about the process of writing development, we can begin to see a way to help him. There may be something that he does not feel comfortable with and, as a result, we may be able to pinpoint the problem and get him the help needed.



Overall, I agree a lot with what has been said. Let's take a more diagnostic look at things on top of it and see if we can pinpoint the problem rather than guess at it.



Begin with something simple. Just ask him to draw a line. He might look at you strangely, but thank him when he's done and don't ask him to do more. As he's doing that, look at the following:



1) What hand is he using? I'm curious if the teacher that kicked him out was also trying to force him to use his right hand. Let's face it - she does not seem to know a lot about child development if she is putting a child in time out for not coloring. This may be a very real factor.



2) How is he holding his pencil? From experience, a 4 year old should be able to have a decent proper grip on the pencil. Not perfect really, but should be able to hold the pencil normally. Either way, NOW is **NOT** the time for instruction. If you notice him holding it wrong, let him do it that way for now. I will provide some exercises later to help in this area.



3) Watch how he draws the line. Is it fast and careless? Is it slow and meticulous? If it's slow and he's really trying to get it right, that may bring light to the issue. He may be more concerned with messing up and doing it wrong than he is of enjoying the process itself. Many children are like that.

If it's fast and careless, it may be that he's bored and unchallenged with it. Notice I said "may." That's not a definite diagnosis based off those, but it at least points in a direction to go with more investigating.



What do you do in these situations?

#1- Using left hand. Again, he may have been forced to use the incorrect hand. If he is using his left hand, when you are working with something for writing, be sure to always put the writing tool near his left hand. Even reach past him to put it there.



#2 - incorrect pencil grip. Your child may feel awkward with actually holding the pencil or crayon comfortably. Do other activities that build up the fine motor skills of these three fingers. Anything that is more natural to grab with the index finger/middle finger together clamping down onto the thumb is what you want to look for. Some ideas:



--There are soap dishes out there that are made of rubber and have small suction cups on them that are the ideal size for beads. Get those and get some beads. You can make up a game to go with it like Tic Tac Toe (you'll have to make up a game that fits the materials you have). Show your son that the easiest way to put them on there is with the pencil grip. Don't call it that...just show him how you do it. Let him decide to do it or not, but every time you go for a bead, put your fingers in that pencil grip and open and close them a few times while you look and decide which bead you want, then reach down and grab them. Model it every time and he will start to do the same.

--Some puzzles have nobs on them to pick up pieces. It is sometimes hard to find a knob that you use a pencil grib on naturally, but if you find one, grab as many as you can.



#3 - How he draws the line. This can lead so many ways, but let me just say that what you want to keep doing is observing and taking notes. If he draws it and seems concerned and focused on how it looks, does he do the same with other things where he doesn't want to make a mistake? If so (or if not), you'll have to keep observing to find out exactly why that is. Think of yourself like a scientist that goes out in the woods to study nature. The scientist does not disrupt the lion, but rather sits back and observes, makes notes, and tries to identify what behavior it sees and why it behaves that way. From there, you will understand further how to help.



As far as the attitude towards writing is concerned, I have a feeling that if there is no other reason, patience is the key. He's had a bad experience with writing at his last school and I do not expect him to come rushing into it excitedly. Now is the ideal time to begin teaching him writing and giving him opportunities to draw, but if a child has a bad experience with something, they tend to stay away from it for a while until they feel comfortable (don't we all?).



I hoped I help. Above all, if my ideas prove no results, just keep observing. Observation is always the key to understanding a child's behavior and it's a idea the first teacher at the preschool obviously missed.



Matt

Answer 5

Find out what his interests are and try to connect them to coloring and writing, but be patient. Some children aren't always ready. Readiness levels can vary, no matter what age they are. I also believe that the teacher should know this and not give up on the child and it is also wrong to punish a child that young for not participating. It doesn't seem that she has enough education in the development and learning theories and you should know about George W. Bush's No Child Left Behind Act. You have to watch out for teachers who give up on your child because this could be very damaging. When a teacher doesn't have belief in a child, the child picks up on that and will start losing belief in them self, which can and will effect their future. Your child needs someone who encourages them, believes in them, and understands them. All teachers are supposed to be taught that all children have potential. This is my knowledge that I have learned through experience and in college. I'm an Education major for Early Childhood Education at Southern New Hampshire University. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 6

Goodness me i am shocked at what you had to endure with this teacher! I am a pre school teacher in England and i wouldn't dream of forcing a child to do anything they weren't ready to do. Children are not robots that perform on demand and the teacher should be well aware of this. Doing activities such as writing in the sand, making play dough models and using the tools, painting with different tools such as sticks, straws etc will help him to become interested. Go for a walk and make marks in the mud or sand, make learning fun and enjoyable because then your child will relax and want to join in. It took me 6 weeks to settle a child in once and encourage him to join in with anything. I persevered with love and patience and now he is first in line at the activities. Don't fret too much, he may just not be ready or frightened of the new routine and needs reassuring. Any good teacher would know this and support you. Ask your health visitor for advice. Let you child lead the play, go to where your child is playing and see if he allows you to join in then gradually introduce colours, letters into play using stamps or magnetic letters. I don't expect my children to know their letters until they start school, they sing the alphabet songs and are familiar with labels around the room. I think they are too young at 4 years old to be expected to know this information. They have years of learning ahead of them. Hope this helps xx

Answer 7

yes, it does sound like his small motor skills are lacking - especially if he is not interested yet. Even just another year to mature might peak his interest. That teacher was wrong forcing your child out of her program! When I have a child who refuses or is struggling with things, I have them go through my clip art with me on the computer and then I make them a book - just for them. So, she could make a book with a truck (or whatever it is he likes - could even be spiderman) and put the word underneath the picture, letters to trace and a space to write it himself. there are also three sided grippers he can use to help him correctly hold a pencil or crayon. good luck - sounds like you are definitely looking out for the best welfare of your son.

Answer 8

Make it a fun game.



That always work.



Maybe something along the lines of "I bet you cant..", "Who's going to do ___ first? Who will win?"



Etc.

Answer 9

Find out what picture or thing interests him. Then, show him how to draw it. After that, help him write about why he likes that particular thing so much. Pretend it's just a game. Also take him to the doctor to see if maybe holding a pencil or crayon is hurting him (he might be holding it in a way that hurts or something).

Answer 10

OK look first that teacher is an idiot, you can not punish a 4yr old into writing and coloring, he will do it when he is ready, sometimes a little positive reinforcement will work to give him a kick start, he needs to think he is choosing to do it and not that it is expected of him. I have a class of 13 students all at different levels of learning and ages, from 3 - 5 yrs old and sometimes you get a child who just doesn't want to do what we are doing, maybe because it is too hard for them or maybe because they just don't like doing it, the key is to make it fun, find out what they do like and make that a part of the project, offer goals that give rewards to the child that the child would like to do maybe something that they don't always get to do like play a computer game or choose the game played outside that day or something. Any teacher that says a child needs to be removed because he/she doesn't want to write their name or color is an idiot, even the newest child care provider knows that you need to reach out and find what works to get children involved in their own learning experience, it isn't just a given.

Answer 11

I am glad your son is not with that teacher now. First of all it had to be quite a transition from being with grandma to being with a preschool class. Plus he had a major loss. I sure would give him time to adapt if he was in my class. He could need more time to develop his fine motor skills but an educated and experienced preschool teacher should know these thing. Those little muscles are needed to feel accomplished in coloring or writing. He will be caught up by third grade but an extra year of preschool could help. Check with other educators in your area and I don't feel another year of preschool hurts a child. Good luck, you are a caring mom.

Answer 12

First of all your daycare provider is wrong. She should know that all children develop differently and environments have a large affect on interactions with some children . I would not consider her to be a good person with children . Coloring does not not make a child. It maybe that while he was in care of your Mother this was never introduce to him so he has no interest.

As a mother you must look at this in your eyes and give him more opportunity to adjust. Catch his attention by maybe saying I think would like to color would you like to help . Maybe write his name and put it on the refrigerator in Bold letters . Sit with bright markers to see if he'll take interest when you are coloring .

If the child shows no interest after a couple of weeks then maybe you should contact you Early Intervention in your area they are very helpful with children and work with them on a one to one basis.

Or sometimes in a small setting of children that need the same kind of help. This will cost you nothing and these people are great from my on experience.

Sometimes ther maybe be a fear or lack f motivation with your child.

Please don't let this go your child needs this help to enter into kindergarten and why have him start out only to fail when you can get help now . To fail kindergarten will only be anther set back . There are day cares out there with knowledge of how to prepare a preschooler for kindergarten

Answer 13

Wow, what a horrible teacher. He's in her care two weeks and she wants to get rid of him! Plus she's putting him in time-out for not writing and coloring! Is there another preschool or class you could put him in? (or did you already, it wasn't quite clear to me) Poor thing! No wonder he won't color or write. I wouldn't either if someone forced it on me. for now I would drop the whole coloring and writing thing. Develop his fine motor skills by giving him hard modeling clay, lacing beads, using a stress ball, etc... Then after a short break try giving him a variety of color tools (crayons, pens, markers, pencils) and a bunch of paper at home, but don't push. As for holding him back... When is his birthday? If he has a late birthday he would probably benefit from another year in a GOOD pre-k program. Good luck!

Answer 14

You've gotten some good suggestions here from others, and I'm in agreement that it's a good thing he's out of the one daycare. I'm also sorry about your mom - he was very lucky to have spent some great quality time with her!



In my experience, kids don't like to do things they are not good at or comfortable with - so helping him improve his fine motor skills first will help. Don't give up on it, but do different fine motor activities than writing and coloring. Some people here gave you some great suggestions already. You should also start with big arm movements, like painting on an easel or drawing on big paper stuck on the fridge, because children develop muscle control from the big to little muscles: arms first then hands then fingers. And keep things positive and short; you don't want this to become a test of wills, but he does need to improve in this area (even if he never becomes the greatest artist or printer), because these are skills he'll need in school eventually. But, you have time to gradually help him get better at it.



Another suggestion I have is to get his eyes checked by a good professional. Imagine trying to cut or write something if your vision was blurry - - it could be that his eyes are not focusing on the paper very well. There are eye doctors who will actually check how both eyes are working TOGETHER, not simply checking if they see 20/20 - so find someone who will do *in-depth* testing. We have had several children (mostly boys) who have benefited from vision therapy in our school - they write better now, read, and can balance and ride bikes after getting help w/their eyes.



You can help him track and focus by playing a game with a balloon, where he tries to keep it up in the air by tapping it over and over and following it. If he has trouble with something like that, you'll have to start with more large motor activities and focusing, before the fine motor will get better.



As far as holding him back from kindergarten, see how things go - I urge you: don't decide based on just this one area. If he is ready in other developmental areas (and you'll know this as his mom), let him go to kindergarten and get some good socialization, education and practice at his motor skills. The teacher has access to other support and information from OTs and PTs that he/she could use to help your son if that is his biggest area of delay - so not coloring is alone not enough of a reason to hold him out of school.

Good luck!

Answer 15

I would definitely give him another year to mature before sending him to K. K programs seem to be going overboard on their expectations of children nowadays, so giving him time would be a good thing.



Children definitely learn through play at the pre-K age, and there is still a wide range from child to child in terms of development which will even out as they get older.



Just as children learn to walk at different ages, but all are generally walking by age two - children learn to write, read, etc. at different ages. Think of the adults you know. Can you tell who learned to read/write at what age? Probably not. It doesn't matter and there's no need for the teacher to rush your child.



Here are some activities that may help your son with fine motor development:

http://www.successful-homeschooling.com/preschool-writing-activity.html



Good for you being an advocate for your child!

Answer 16

Wow...first of all, it isn't her job to "make" him do anything that requires developmental skills, like writing and coloring. It really sounds like she either needs more training or needs to find a different line of work.



Children develop at wildly different rates...I was coloring inside the lines (and outlining) and writing letters and numbers at 3, while my son (5th grade) didn't write proficiently until he was 8 - and still hates to color. He's not behind - he's actually well above grade level in nearly every subject - but writing and coloring have never been strong points for him. (He now takes notes and writes papers on a regular basis - he's easily at grade level in writing - but his skills didn't really develop until about 3rd grade.)



4yo's aren't always "wired" to sit down and do seatwork. Some will sit there and do it all day with a smile on their face, while others barely realize that it exists - they just don't care. Also, boys often develop their fine motor skills at a slower rate than girls, and writing is actually uncomfortable or even painful. That teacher probably wouldn't want to write either, if all it did was make her entire arm ache!



It really is fine that he plays during table time; this is likely how he learns. Children at this age naturally gravitate toward whatever will cause them to learn, and for kinesthetic learners, this means being up and around, building things, and having their hands on everything in sight. They learn through touch and movement. It really sounds like your son may fit this learning style. It often won't look like he's paying attention - it may look like he's off in space half the time - but chances are he knows and absorbs everything around him by being allowed to move.



You were right in getting him in a different program; make sure that the teachers allow him to learn according to his learning style (without disrupting the class, of course). It may be a good idea to hold him in PreK for another year to allow his fine motor skills to develop, as well as to allow him to "figure out" what the expectations in a classroom are. He'll become interested in writing when he's ready - there's very little you can do to push this. Just let him play with blunt scissors and scrap paper, lacing cards, bean bags or stress balls, and sidewalk chalk to get those muscles in use. Other than that, just make sure that he's in an environment, wherever that happens to be, that allows him to be a kid. :-)

Answer 17

Most kids don't start kindergarden, until they are 6, or a very old 5.



As for writing, I didn't really learn to write lettings until kindergarden. For the coloring, why not take him to a store and let him pick out a coloring book, maybe he'll find one of a character he really likes, like spider-man.



But 4 years old, is a little young to be pushing writing so hard on.

Answer 18

Rember your the parent not the child. I have work in child care. Most children can do things just that some are more lazy then others. I can tell when working with kids, who runs the show at home and who has parents that discipline. I would use time outs, take away favorite actives ECT. Remember your the parent he does what you tell them to do. NOT the other way around!

Answer 19

Not to be an alarmist, but it may be worth while to find a reputable psychologist (not psychiatrist!!!!!) and have him evalutated for autism. I don't know the entire situation, but if there are any other behavioral issues, discipline problems (or lack of discipline) then those chances magnify quickly.



It may just as well be that there is a level of intelligence that isn't being tapped by those tasks, and in time both menial and extraordinary talents will find their time to surface.

Answer 20

well sweetie just so you know there is nothing wrong with your son, he is perfectly normal. Sometimes you can't force a child to do something because they just have to come out and want to do it. just like i can't make you eat crap so you can't make him color. actually your son is more liable to be fit and healthy maybe drawing not his thing and your son going to be the next Urlacher

Answer 21

if i were you, i would tell them that if you start writing and drawing pictures at a young age, you can become very successful in life at an older age.

Answer 22

never hold your child back a grade encourage him let him color book he likes every time he colors something say good job ,excellent reward him with things =]